10 Pieces of Advice For Anyone Moving To Missouri

When someone you know is moving into the Show-Me state, we alway like to inform them of how things are done. May be this will help you in the future.

ADVICE FOR ANYONE MOVING TO MISSOURI:

1. Save all bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
3. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait til August."
4. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
5. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
6. If you see a slower moving vehicle on a two lane road pull onto the shoulder that is called "courtesy".
7. If you don't like the weather in Missouri wait 15 minutes, it will change.
8. Yes, weddings, funerals, and divorces must take into account for deer season.
9. DO NOT honk your horn at us to be obnoxious, we will sit there until we die.
10. We pull over for funeral processions, turn our music off and men remove hats or caps. Some people put their hand over their heart.