An Open Letter To The Squirrels In My Front Yard

Squirrels, hey.  Let's talk. Dear Squirrels,

You guys are amazing. You have been living in the two big trees in my front yard for ages.  There are a few things, though, that I don't understand about you.

Why are you always darting in front of my car (and other cars) as we  go down the street?  Do you have a death wish?  Are you trying to freak me out?  Because I do get panicked thinking I'm going to hurt you. Is that what you want?  When my trees give you so much shelter and nourishment?

Why don't you guys eat more of the acorns in my yard?  There are so many, you guys. And I know there are at least six of you living in these trees.  Don't you want that sustenance? I thought you guys were supposed to be hoarding those things away for later. Why leave them in my yard, where nothing will bring them up?

Why do you guys always stand on the sidewalk and bark at me?  What have I done to you?  Why are you so mad? I'm nowhere near your nest, your family, your tree, any of it. I'm just out here getting the mail.  I'm literally at least twenty feet away from you.  Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?

Squirrels, please.  Ash, Candace, Rudy, Ned, Jessica, Porcelain, Jimin... explain, please. I don't speak squirrel, but I'm sure we can work this out.

Respectfully yours,

Behka