Columbia Musician Desperately Needs Our Help

You guys, I know that when I can, I like to help those in need.I mean, my talents aren't always needed.  But sometimes you just need a warm body and a little helpful spirit to make a difference, right?  Right.

Well. This past weekend, I went out of town to attend a High School graduation. I'm sure a lot of you went to all sorts of different events just like it around this time of year.  However, I did get to meet with a friend beforehand and get a little brunch, do a little window shopping.  That's when I saw it.  A pure, desperate cry for help.  A shot in the dark, reaching out to their fellow man for a helping hand.

In case you can't read it or the image won't load, here's what the notice says:

"Hey! Have you ever wanted to be involved with band stuff, just can't play? Well do I have the deal for you.  We are now  accepting potential band name ideas for MY band. Please text any band name ideas to (318) 773-3349 but remember this is my band not yours.  You are just providing potential names for me."

Guys.  I'm just gonna cut the sarcasm here.  Everything about this makes all the snarky, sassy, antagonistic tendencies in me to want to come out.  First of all, COMIC SANS?! Who the heck uses Comic Sans these days? No one serious. I fully expect every passive aggressive note ever posted in any breakroom about rinsing coffee pots to be in comic sans. Next, the assumption that just because we're not in a band, we can't play any instruments or have no talent to do so?  Dude.  Why ask for our creativity if you assume we have none? It does remind me of an intro to an old Kenickie song though. And finally, the insistence that this is HIS band, and somehow, the implication we are going to want to take it or something?  Bro.  Rest assured, I have no interest in trying to co-op your weekend garage band that's probably playing poorly covered Mudhoney songs from 1995 (because Nirvana is "too mainstream") in your cousin's "rehearsal space" that's really where his step-dad is just trying to get some woodworking done. I'm not going to try to pass off the PBR stained CD-ROM with the Staples printed photo you passed around the party on campus last week as my own. You're good.

So, guys, let's help him out.  You can either text him directly with the crappiest, stupidest, most pretentious names you can think of...or you can comment with them down below and one of us will do it.   Either way, brohaim needs help.  And if he really isn't serious and this is just a really elaborate joke... I'm sure he'd appreciate the laughs, right?

I personally like Braided Aguish, Rain Ensemble, and KOPYRIGHT.   All caps on that last one.  Shows that he really wants to stick it to the man with something other than his UPC neck tattoo.

Namingly yours,
Behka