Parquet Courts’ Backstage Rider Belongs in the Louvre

There's no better insight into a band's maddening hive-mind than the list of backstage requests they give to venues (otherwise known as a backstage rider). How else would we know about Jack White's killer guacamole recipe, or Foo Fighters' intense hankerings for Cups o' Noodles (but only on Wednesdays), or Mogwai's deep admiration for Star Wars' Princes Leia — so deep they demanded that venues provide a framed photo of Carrie Fisher's beloved character along with the perfunctory snacks and sweat-rags? (By the way, rest in peace, Carrie; we miss you.)

But the best riders don't just give us a good chuckle, or provide useful reminders that, contrary to popular belief, famous musicians do eat and drink and shit and sleep just like everyone else — they transcend both tour and musician, leaving us with, well ... art. That's exactly what Parquet Courts have done with their list of backstage demands for their current tour behind last year's excellent Human Performance.

Shortly before their concert in Melbourne, Australia on Thursday evening, the band sent (or, to use their language, "leaked") their illustrated tour rider to local music site FasterLouder. Between the gorgeous black-and-white still life and the itemized list's poetic phrasing — I'm pretty sure "one (1) pack of American Spirit yellows (color of the white man's heart)" is actually the name of some long-lost Elliott Smith demo — it's by far the most magnificent, bellyache-inducing rider we've seen in recent years

What's a fancy guacamole recipe to a portrait of profound existential despair? Nothing, that's what. Check out Parquet Courts' masterpiece below, along with the rest of their upcoming tour dates.

Parquet Courts' Human Performance LP is out now on Rough Trade.

PARQUET COURTS on TOUR
Jan. 7 — Fremantle, WA @ Falls Festival
Jan. 31 — Philadelphia, PA @ Union Transfer !
Feb. 1 — Baltimore, MD @ 2640 Space !
Feb. 2 — Charlotte, NC @ Neighborhood Theatre !
Feb. 3 — Asheville, NC @ The Grey Eagle !
Feb. 4 — Athens, GA @ Georgia Theater !
Feb. 6 — Orlando, FL @ The Social !
Feb. 7 — Miami, FL @ Gramp's !
Feb. 8 — Tampa, FL @ Crowbar !
Feb. 9 — Gainseville, FL @ The Wooly !
Feb. 10 — Birmingham, AL @ Saturn !
Feb. 11 — Atlanta, GA @ Terminal West !
Feb. 12 — Carrboro, NC @ Cats Cradle !
Feb. 13 — Washington, DC @ 9:30 Club !

! w/ Mary Lattimore